I guess i hab been preventing myself to do blog updates.. coz everytime when i wanna make updates i will definitely write sth abt myself.. and i hate to think thru myself..

I hate to find out faults in me, and perhaps avoid reality becoz i know i'm not perfect. I jus wan to be an ordinary person. I may be tough but I'm not emotional stable perhaps. As always, nothing good will come to me. Its a fact! And i hab always been the "nice" guy helping every1 out yet not expecting any return. But heaven is always making fun of nice ppl, gicing them more shit, dun grant them gd wishes.

I'm lost sometimes yes indeed I'm lost to myself. I always realise i hab so many things to learn from life.Life is so unpredictable. Well sometimes maybe i being mean to others maybe in talking (Its not on purpose, but rather its unintentionally); perhaps due to my living environment and grow up environment. I dun wan ppl to get bullied partly in a way. I had a tough time since young, everybody is like out to against me. Y? Coz they r not happy wif me? I dun really noe.I'm the target for everything. I do well ppl also jealous nv do well ppl also look down.

Just like being in OCS, its supposed to be a proud moment, or maybe how abt the days i tried to do well for poly? Maybe only my mom and dad r pleased but not others. can u imagine if i didnt do well? I'll still get squeezed out. Maybe i hab fight too hard for my recognition and effort but actually I just wan to be an ordinary person.

Oh ya did i mentioned I hate traffic light games? yes indeed. I was forced to rem alot of past things. It did seems like i was at fault most of the time.. maybe most of it is coz i dunno human relation beri well den. its like wat ppl say 我不会做人. But i guess nobody noes that i been reflecting on myself everyday becoz i hate to cause other ppl life miserable. i can say i'm changed but i have no prove and nobody noes too.

I met a new fren online (Thanks to hans) but i actually doubt how long it will last... its not tat person's fault jus tat i think i'm being too random again and WEIRD that ppl might avoid me. Nobody likes ppl who r so random and weird, cause tis is 1 of the reason for a person to be miserable/worried though tis is also a reason y ppl r interested in random and weird ppl (they come out extraordinary stuff wif gd quality =X). But being random and weird can also be a form of showing out my courage too. I guess not everybody is so courageous to do take tings in ur hand and do it out.

As what tat person claim, online and reality can be fake. its true maybe i kinda gd wif typing but not when it comes to reality. I'm more of the Zhuge Liang quiet quiet and observe ppl kind (I'm not saying i'm wise ok). Even if you hab faults i also wun comment on it unless i really cant take it anymore.

Anyway life goes on, I jus wanna apologise if I hab caused you some problems. Stay cool everyone till my next moment...

Labels: 笔随意走, 落笔成兵

Remembering what life is.....
+ + +